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Wisdom and Choice

There are three prayers that I have known for as long as I can remember. “Now I lay me down to sleep …” “Our Father …” and … the Serenity prayer. My grandmother had a plaque hanging by her kitchen sink, that I liked to ask people to read: “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Today’s readings made me think of the Serenity prayer. The first reading tells us that wisdom “hastens to make herself known to those who desire her.” The gospel reading reminds us of how essential it is to distinguish between what can be changed and what cannot be changed, particularly when we are responding to the needs around us. I don’t know what the relationship was between the ten bridesmaids of the gospel story, but I imagine that they were friends or at least members of the same community. When the five run out of oil, they expect that their friends will help them out. I imagine that many of the people listening to Jesus tell this story for the first time, also thought that those who had brought extra oil would help those who did not have enough. That seems like the kind of story that would be told by the man who praised a widow for donating the only two coins that she had to the temple and who told the rich young man to sell his possessions and give to the poor. But Jesus does not speak on behalf of those who did not bring enough oil, instead he encourages all who hear the story to cultivate the wisdom the five who brought extra oil and would not share it.

It seems to me that the issue here is about accepting what we cannot change while changing what we can. The thing that could not be changed was the fact that five bridesmaids did not think ahead and there was not enough oil to light ten lamps. There was, however, enough oil to ensure that the bridegroom would not arrive in the dark and there were bridesmaids present to welcome him and lead him into the celebration. I wonder what would have happened if the five who did not have oil had stayed to welcome the bridegroom when he was announced even though their lamps were empty. They may not have stood out as bridesmaids, but they would have been present to welcome the bridegroom and join in the wedding banquet. The foolishness of the five was less about the fact that they did not bring extra oil and more about the fact that they lost sight of what really mattered. They were so focussed on the mistake that they could not undo, that they did not see what they still could do.

The real focus of today’s gospel is not on the foolish bridesmaids, nor is it on the wise bridesmaids. The real focus is on the welcoming of the bridegroom. It is less about what we have done to prepare for the moment and more about how we respond to the moment. As I reflect on this week’s gospel, I am acutely aware of how much energy I can waste focussing on what I or others should have or could have done differently in the past, rather than asking myself what others need now and what I can do to show love and care now.

~Pam Driedger, St. Elizabeth of the Trinity Pastoral Unit