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Fear or Love – What is our Starting Point?

As I sit to write this reflection I am just back in the office after one week’s holidays.  While it is always nice to have some time to relax and re-energize, the one thing a week’s holiday makes crystal clear to me is that I am nowhere near ready for retirement.  While my birth certificate is telling me that I am coming to a time in my life where that will be a major consideration, I feel that time has not yet arrived.  I think much prayerful discernment goes into any major decision in life, especially one that is going to result in living out the remainder of your days without a job.  My hunch is that God will be dropping many little hints that will help guide me to the appropriate time to move on to the next chapter in life.

The readings this week are also dropping some hints about what to do to be prepared to move on to the next chapter after we leave this earth.  I have heard many homilies and sermons throughout my years where the presenter was giving his/her version of the road map I must follow if I want heaven to be my final destination.  I also had wonderful parents who tirelessly worked to guide me on the right path.  While my mom had an unshakeable faith, much of it was rooted in fear.  For her, God (and the church) had laid out a strict set of rules that needed to be followed if there was any chance for redemption.  And while these worked wonders for keeping me and my siblings on the straight and narrow, for the most part, they didn’t do much to develop in me a love for God.  Mostly, I believed God was watching over me, but not in a good way.  It created the same fear of God in me that was in my mother.

As I grew, I realized that my faith was not my own, but rather my mother’s and parish priests and catechism teachers I had encountered over the years.  At some point I needed to make this faith my own if I was ever going to have a meaningful relationship with God.  One of the first things I thought of as I began this journey was a quote from my grade 11 history teacher, who said, “anyone you fear, you will eventually grow to hate.”  If I only view God through the lens of a student being summoned to the principal’s office, how can I ever trust that God loves me more than I could ever imagine and only has my best interest at heart.  I would read the gospel we hear this week and see it as a cold list of anticipated actions that if I don’t complete will inevitably lead to my personal downfall.  The problem with that, is that what Jesus is calling me to in this week’s gospel is to love.  To love unconditionally and generously.  To love the stranger and the friend alike.  To recognize the needs of others and not rest until they are met.  I cannot love that way while living in fear.

It is impossible to do the work of building God’s kingdom without having love as our foundation.  When we can move out of a space of judgment and fear and into a place of loving acceptance, then we will be able to convert people.  This is only doable if we know within our heart of hearts that we are infinitely loved and so is the person standing in front of us, no matter their lot in life.  That kind of love will clothe the naked, feed the hungry and welcome any stranger.  Fear never could and never will be able to do that.

Mark Mahoney
Pastoral Associate